Dreamers.

Do you remember when you were a little child? And everything to you was new. New letters, new numbers, new colors, new people, new thoughts, new sounds, new words, new weather, new life. There was nothing to not be excited about.

Why does that change? Why do us, as young adults/adults, become content with life? Of course there's a time to be happy with your life, to be proud, to be content with the things you have accomplished. But why aren't we always pushing for something more, something new. 

I don't ever want to be content. I want to be happy, I want to be thankful to God for my blessings, I want to love. But I don't want to settle. The only time I think it's alright to settle is when you are an elder, you have lived life, and you are ready to stop moving.

I watched an episode of Scrubs once and J.T. had an elder woman as a patient with liver cancer. She decided that she was done with chemo and surgeries, she didn't want to put herself through that pain anymore. J.T. kept pushing her to live, to work for her life, and she said she had lived, she had done everything she had ever wanted, and was ready to die. He started making a list of things you should do before you die, and confronted her with the list. Anything that he threw at her she replied with a simple, "Done it". She had done EVERYTHING imaginable. That....is when I believe you can stop, and be content.

That's what the point of a dream is, right? To push towards, to work towards, to want to accomplish. So then why, as adults especially, do we stop following our dreams?

They who dream by day are cognizant off many things which escape those who dream only by night. -Edgar Allan Poe 

Stu Surprise

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you."

My favorite bible verse (above). I lived by it this summer, in a lot of ways. I actually gave a sermon centered around it in women's chapel at the church camp I lived at for a majority of the summer. I think a lot of times, especially as a girl, I tend to plan things, any thing really. I plan my hours, my days, my weeks, my months, sometimes I even plan how my life will go in the next year, or couple of years. I don't think there is anything wrong with planning, I just think that especially with me, planning isn't always the way to go. I get upset when plans get broken - unnaturally upset. It causes me anxiety. I know that sounds stupid, but it's one of my flaws as a person I suppose. Regardless I have decided that I will only plan my life a week in advance. I say a week simply because at school it's impossible to stay organized if I'm not planning out my meetings, classes, etc.
I essentially just wanted to share with you what I discovered about myself this summer. I had an inkling that I was slightly crazy beforehand, I just discovered the reasoning behind it recently. hehe.

Moving on to the past few weeks! I got home from camp on July...oh jeez....July 28th I believe. Well, that's when camp ended, I left camp directly and headed to a sisterhood retreat for my sorority back at school. It was a great time, we went to a baseball game and ate lots of food. Typical girl stuff.

I look 100% awful in all of these pictures because I was EXHAUSTED from camp (a week of four hours of sleep each nights wears you down) and had no make up on, and my hair was disheveled. But it was a great time, I adore all of my sisters (:

The biggest event of all (I've been looking forward to this since Christmas), was my best friend Kelsey's wedding! She got married August 3rd in this gorgeous church in Columbus, and the ceremony was absolutely perfect (I bawled). Her and her husband (Austin) have been dating for SIX YEARS, and I was so happy I got to be there and share that happy moment with her. Plus, I positively adore weddings, so, bonusssss.

Kelsey and her bridesmaids, dancin' the night away

They had a photo booth at the wedding, that was fun lol

My favorite picture of the night, that's my other bestfrand, Olivia

Overall the past few weeks before I have to leave for school have been splendid. I got to spend all day at an art museum, and at the mall with my other best friend (we're a trio) Tessa today, which was a bunch of fun. I had back to school in five days, so that's exciting. I'm actually really ready to head back. I'm ready to be busy and distracted from stupid drama here. So bring on the schoolwork!

This was a random hodge-podge blog post (or as my sims would say "stu surprise"), but I needed to post something before I just forget I have a blog all together! Sorry for the randomness.

lico,
Megan

God is so good.

Random late night thoughts - the epitome of my relationship with my blog.

Something happened tonight, about three hours ago. 7:58pm to be exact. I received a text from my ex-boyfriend. Normally this requires a horrible feeling at the pit of my stomach, blood immediately rushing to redden my entire face, and shaky hands as they open my phone. None of this occurred tonight.

It's not something large, it really isn't. But it's something important to me. I wrote him a letter about four days ago, explaining my experience at church camp (where we met twelve short years ago), and how inspired I was by God. I also told him that I learned something at camp, something I already knew deep down in my heart, but it was a lesson that needed to be preached directly to my soul.

You don't ever let your brothers or sisters falter in Christ.
You fight for them, you push for them, you love them unconditionally and most of all you pray for them.

I confessed to Brock that I had condemned him (truly I had), and his sins. I had judged him terribly and had no intention of ever thinking kindly of him again. I then apologized. No one deserves that judgement, no one. Not my worst enemy, not my best friend, not my mother...no one. I then proceeded to tell him that I wanted him to see the best in his life, to remember God, to love God, to turn to God and the rest would fall into place. That was the essential jist of my letter.

After I sent that letter I prayed to God. I had been doing so for about a week before hand, but my prayers were now more devoted, and more pointed towards my letter finding a way into Brock's heart so that he would see how much God loved him.

So back to that text. He told me that he stopped smoking about a month ago, and was trying to make things better in his life, bit by bit. He told me that things were starting to make sense in his life, that he was seeing other people on facebook lately talk about God, and some things had stuck out to him. Then he told me at the end that he was so happy I had written him a letter, that it was so nice to know that somebody still cared about him, and that he wasn't the least bit surprised that it was me. This was the line that brought tears to my eyes:

"So thank you for caring Megan you don't know how much it means to me."

Doesn't God work in mysterious ways?

lico,
Megan

NWOCYC

My new computer has arrived! Hurray!

Words cannot describe how relieved I am to hold technology again. Thanks to my father, and my birthday, I am the proud owner of a new laptop. Woohoo!

There hasn't really been a lot to be missed since I haven't been blogging, except the church camp that I've attended over the past month, and will be attending again this upcoming Saturday.

Northwestern Ohio Christian Youth Camp is the name of it, also known as NWOCYC for short. I've been attending this camp since I was eight years old, and it's changed my life drastically; truly it has. It's a week long summer camp. You arrive as a camper on Sunday afternoon, and then leave the next Saturday afternoon, so I suppose it would be a little less than a week. 

Anyways...

Let me show you around...

One of my favorite parts of camp, my favorite places, one of my retreats would be the campfire, also known as fire circle at camp. It's a place that the entire camp meets every morning, and every night. In the morning we have a prayer and a morning lesson to get us ready for the day, we sing a couple of songs and off we go! At night we come together to praise God. It's so powerful feeling so close to Him as you sing and pray, it's one of my most treasured memories.

Now let me introduce you to MY week at camp:

  

  

This week was actually my first week at Tim's all ages week. I didn't know anyone except for a couple girls I had met who went to Jeff Slater's week with me. So going to a whole new week was extremely intimidating and scary for me, especially because I'm used to knowing everyone that I'm at camp with! Which tends to happen after spending a week every year for twelve years with those people. But this week was totally new to me. After about Wednesday I started becoming really close with a couple of the girls and older adults, and by Friday I didn't want to leave. That's what is so powerful about this church camp...you come out of the world into a retreat with people you may have never met before, and you leave with new brothers and sisters. It's breathtaking how God works at this place.

Now - allow me to save the best for last.

We received THREE new brothers, and ONE new sister in Christ this week. FOUR baptisms in one week. God is so good.

Also: I got to mark something off of my bucket list while I was at camp!
Item number 31: Lay in the road in the middle of the night

While I was at camp we went stargazing twice. We all grabbed pillows and blankets and went out to the middle of the country road which leads into our camp and all laid down while we listened to music and gazed up at the stars. It was so unbelievably powerful people, you have no idea how close you feel to God while you're gazing at the sky. It was perfection.

Well, that is the end of my camp stories until next week!
I just wanted to share a little bit of my heaven with you all!

lico,
Megan

I'm Alive

I haven't blogged since May. Jeez. That makes me sad.

Why?
Well, because I dropped my laptop...ha. Oops. I was at my brother's house in Tennessee and went to pick it up out of my bag and it just slipped, freak accident really.

Anyways, I just wanted to update a couple things while I had the opportunity.
1. I quit my job...yay!
2. Went to church camp week #1 - changed my life
3. Heading to church camp week#2 on Saturday, and week #3 one week after that
4. Birthday is in eight days
5. Bought some baby chicks!
6. New laptop still to come

Just a couple things to update you on, since I've been gone forever. More, detailed, post to come!

lico,
Megan

L.O.V.E

I've been super focused on my past lately. I know that my blog is "bucket list worthy" and the whole point of a bucket list is to focus on the future, and to focus on things that you want to do in your life, and not things that you have done. However, I want to write about love.

I was in love once. Still am I suppose, everyone says you never actually fall "out of love" with the first person who steals your heart. I used to think that I would have rather never fallen in love in the first place, than to have loved someone and then lost it. But when I look back on it, he taught me so much in life. Not to be cliche.

I'm blessed to have fallen in love, I truly am, especially at such a young age. A lot about him made me realize who I want to be in life, what I want to do. More importantly, who I really was. It's funny that someone can give you so much, and then they can take so much of you away. I fell apart when we broke up, but because I chose to accept the fact that our relationship was a blessing from God I've learned ways to cope, ways to move on.

"A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and a man cannot live without love." - Max Muller

It was as soon as I had lost it that made me appreciate what I had when I had it. Love, that is. It's now that I appreciate every moment with my family, every laugh with my friends, every talk with my grandparents. Because love exists in more ways than one.

 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God." - 1 John 4:7

The most important being love for God. I've struggled a lot with loving God, simply because He's not a human being, He doesn't exist to touch, or hug, or cry to when you've had a bad day. But He's more than there for you. I think that love for God is the most important love that exists. God's love for us never falters, we never lose His love because He loves us all unconditionally. So much that He sent His own son to die for us. When I remember the pain that He went through for us, it helps me remember that the pain involved in losing my love is nothing compared to His, and only temporary.

I am a strong person, no matter what I think about myself, underneath I know I'm strong - and it's all because I love God. I think sometimes that if I would have put my love for God in front of my love for Brock I wouldn't have been hurt so badly. I don't know that for sure, but I do know that from now on, that will be the case. I saw this quote once,

"A women's heart should be so buried in God that a man should have to go through Him first, to get to her." 

I want that to be the case, therefore, I'm going to focus on loving God, the rest will fall into place.

lico,
Megan

"I do."

What is commitment these days?
Commitment to people, commitment to jobs, commitment to God. What about a commitment makes it so easy to get out of? What about a commitment makes people think that now-a-days, it's unnecessary to keep?

Commitment in the face of conflict produces character.

I like this quote because I have seen a lot of marriages, friendships, and relationships tumble around me lately. They crumble because things are hard in life, and people tend to bolt when circumstances don't permit perfect performance. In my opinion, when you have the guts, or the ability, or the want to stay with someone or keep a friendship when the going get's rough, you are truly committed to that person. That's my definition of commitment.
It scares me though. It is truly one of the most frightening concepts that people don't respect marriage vows, or the commitment to your spouse anymore. That it's so easy for people to get fed up with each other after a fight and literally walk away. Walk away. From the entire relationship, from the foundation of a life, from the person they made vows to. I'm not saying that there aren't circumstances under which divorce is acceptable, of course not. But to be fed up with someone, to not go to counseling, to give up and walk away. How can people so easily disregard the commitment that they made to be with that person for the rest of their life?

One of the items on my bucket list is to "Say, I do."
How am I supposed to say "I do" to someone, how am I supposed to fully commit myself to someone when I cannot even be sure that they'll commit themselves to me. I suppose a lot of it is out of my reach, and I suppose a lot of broken marriages are due to the way society portrays marriage vows these days. Did you know, that in France, they are making a type of home living situation where you get the benefits of marriage without having to take the vows? You can live together, get the money and insurance benefits that come with being married, and not have to promise each other anything. Either person could walk away whenever they wanted. I was appalled. With society making marriage out to be silly, how am I ever supposed to find someone who will truly want to commit themselves to me?

As I stated before: it is truly one of the most frightening concepts to me, that one day marriage will mean nothing. Because it has been a dream of mine to grow up, get married, have children and grow old with my husband. I have always wanted to be a mother and wife. Always. To think that it may never happen, it makes me so sad.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved', the pig was 'committed'.  

I wish I could change the outlook people have. I want to go back in time to the days where marriage was a privilege, not a right, and something that people took as serious as their own life and death. Of course this won't happen, but I do wish for it.

One day, I hope to be married to someone who is as committed to me as I am to them, one day.
It's on my bucket list afterall...

lico,
Megan